happy neu! year
i went to a pretty cool electro-futurist-themed party with a lot of pretty cool people last night. we danced like robots and talked about the future, and at midnight we counted down from ten in german. i got to start the year surrounded by people i have known and loved for years, and people i have known and liked for months, and people i’ve just met. willkommen, 2009!
love it
this is for you, amanda palmer… just adding my tiny voice to the general outraged ruckus and belly celebration.
in any case, i loved the excuse to use the photobooth again! oh working in the pearl district is a little dangerous, what with close proximity to this photobooth and vanilla lattes and other frivolities which, though individually of small significance, combine to exert some influence on my already skinny wallet. i gotta start bringing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to the theatre. i have some lilikoi jelly i bought at the farmer’s market in hilo!
but there are plenty of cheap (read: free) thrills, too, like carrying home two beautiful white roses this evening after the show, part of a dozen left for the cast and crew on opening night by the production assistant. burying my nose in them while i danced at bus stops to my very favorite album playing in my earphones (yoshimi battles the pink robots). walking towards my house almost unsure it was mine for a moment when i saw the christmas tree my housemate brought home, all lit up in our window.
i feel pretty twitterpated by life lately. a little crazy in a good way. a little nervous, a little bit out of control. but only when i want to be, you know?
a poem by gregory orr, via k.–
When we’re young there’s lots
We don’t know about
The beloved:
How he or she is only housed
Briefly in this or that body.
Mostly, the beloved is the world,
But we’re not ready to see
That yet, not able to bear
The idea that the beloved
Won’t necessarily gaze back at us
With eyes like ours, won’t
Wrap us in his or her arms.
We want risk, but comfort, too,
Comfort most of all.
We’re still clinging to our loneliness,
Not yet ready to be alone.
i dunno about that. i feel wrapped up in the world, i do.
my suitcase heart
last glimpse of the island:
felt a certain sinking of my heart, i must admit, when i looked out the window and realized i was actually leaving.
later, looking down at last at the lights of seattle, i thought about cities and the sheer number of people they contain within such a compact, easily-traversable space. well that’s kind of cool, isn’t it?, i thought. with that many people there’s got to be some kindred spirits. but i think that that attitude is exactly what keeps us from finding them. the sea is so big that we use pretty much any excuse to throw away each fish without much more than a glance. sometimes we don’t bother glancing. i met people in puna with whom i probably wouldn’t have so much as chatted with at a party in portland, and they were pretty much without exception generous, kind people whose conversations i was delighted to listen to and take part in. while puna is a unique, self-selecting crowd, i think there are probably way more worthwhile people in the world in general than i have previously allowed for. everyone’s figuring shit out. it’s really exciting and feels good to be involved in other people’s figuring and have others involved in yours. community building and all that. i approve.
but all this feels silly when i remember that i have so much love and community in portland already. i came down with my dad on wednesday. yesterday i saw my friend’s dance-theatre thesis show, ran into so many friends and felt so welcomed home. went to another friend’s weekly midnight picnic (since 2006! i’ve been going since early 2007) and drank sweet wine and toasted everything and shared cookies i’d made. this morning i walked through my neighborhood in my winter coat and my favorite scarf, watching my warm breath. i love the smell of the cold air. yellow leaves in puddles. tonight i’m hanging out with as many friends as possible at the pied cow, one of my favorite coffee/dessert/drinks places.
there are so many possibilities! i feel two-sided–or i suppose multi-facted (!)–but not in any really difficult or frustrating way. there is the part of me that was appalled when i walked in the door of my house for the first time in six weeks or so at the sheer amount of stuff we have. there is the part of me that sat on my bed and delighted in the stacks of unread books and zines, the drawers full of mementoes, my ukulele. there is the part of me that wants to join the peace corps or teach english in the french caribbean. there is the part of me that wants to get a dog and buy a house and paint murals on all the walls. in any case, i am not worried about being bored.