slow glowing

arbitrary dates for self-reflection

in 2008, probably the best and worst year of my young life, i:

* held my dying cat kari, the heart of my heart, my companion of more than fifteen years, while she took her last breaths.

* visited friends and family in berkeley and san francisco.

* stage managed two shows for public playhouse (moonlight and magnolias and daughters), stage managed the “made in oregon” series and the promising playwrights at jaw this summer, and was on the backstage crew for a christmas carol at portland center stage.

* finally managed to sell my car, and lived off the proceeds for awhile.

* found a well of happiness within myself (somewhere in my belly).

* fell in love.

* biked over 230 miles in three days in april, from my doorstep in portland to my parents’ house in sammamish, washington.

* biked in provence with my dad and my brother.

* made plans to spend two months in india in the fall, which were later cancelled due to the angst mentioned below and other angst related to other bike vs. car collisions. it was a rough summer, what can i say?

* got hit by a pick-up truck while riding my bike, resulting in a broken collarbone, a busted knee, some post-traumatic anxiety crap, and a whole lot of angst.

* lived in the jungle in beautiful hippied-out puna, hawaii for a month, doing work-trade for my jungle-hut accommodations, swimming in the ocean, dancing, playing, and exploring.

* appreciated the hell out of my friends and family.

* read 35 novels, seven books of short stories, a couple dozen plays, four graphic novels, one biography, one book of poetry, two travel memoirs, four books that defy categorization, and nearly 70 zines of varying length and quality. i also started reading three books that i did not finish.

at the end of 2007, i answered the question “do you have any plans for 2008?” with simply this: “the future is full of possibilities!” 2009 approaches and, well, the future is still full of possibilities. just the way i like it.

here are my resolutions/revolutions/evolutions for 2009:

my suitcase heart

last glimpse of the island:

felt a certain sinking of my heart, i must admit, when i looked out the window and realized i was actually leaving.

later, looking down at last at the lights of seattle, i thought about cities and the sheer number of people they contain within such a compact, easily-traversable space. well that’s kind of cool, isn’t it?, i thought. with that many people there’s got to be some kindred spirits. but i think that that attitude is exactly what keeps us from finding them. the sea is so big that we use pretty much any excuse to throw away each fish without much more than a glance. sometimes we don’t bother glancing. i met people in puna with whom i probably wouldn’t have so much as chatted with at a party in portland, and they were pretty much without exception generous, kind people whose conversations i was delighted to listen to and take part in. while puna is a unique, self-selecting crowd, i think there are probably way more worthwhile people in the world in general than i have previously allowed for. everyone’s figuring shit out. it’s really exciting and feels good to be involved in other people’s figuring and have others involved in yours. community building and all that. i approve.

but all this feels silly when i remember that i have so much love and community in portland already. i came down with my dad on wednesday. yesterday i saw my friend’s dance-theatre thesis show, ran into so many friends and felt so welcomed home. went to another friend’s weekly midnight picnic (since 2006! i’ve been going since early 2007) and drank sweet wine and toasted everything and shared cookies i’d made. this morning i walked through my neighborhood in my winter coat and my favorite scarf, watching my warm breath. i love the smell of the cold air. yellow leaves in puddles. tonight i’m hanging out with as many friends as possible at the pied cow, one of my favorite coffee/dessert/drinks places.

there are so many possibilities! i feel two-sided–or i suppose multi-facted (!)–but not in any really difficult or frustrating way. there is the part of me that was appalled when i walked in the door of my house for the first time in six weeks or so at the sheer amount of stuff we have. there is the part of me that sat on my bed and delighted in the stacks of unread books and zines, the drawers full of mementoes, my ukulele. there is the part of me that wants to join the peace corps or teach english in the french caribbean. there is the part of me that wants to get a dog and buy a house and paint murals on all the walls. in any case, i am not worried about being bored.

gotta hele on

today i finished up my work trade by painting this table:

yes, those are nekkid ladiez in two of the petals. it’s an aesthetic of which mojo (the owner of hedonisia) is quite fond, and hey i aim to please.

also, by the way, the finished floor in maiʻa hale (slightly awkward photos due to limited space in which to take them):

it’s already a little grubby by virtue of being, you know, a floor. i did the lettering and i’m pretty pleased with it–though i did learn soon after we finished this that the apostrophe in “maiʻa” is actually an ʻokina, which looks more like an upside-down apostrophe, like so:

ʻ
oh well! you probably can’t tell, but every ʻokina in this entry is actually a proper ʻokina, thanks to my mad html skillz. and google.

this afternoon i packed most of my things, shaking out all my dirty laundry just in case, because i’d hate to be accused of attempting to illegally transport millipedes to the mainland when my bags go through agricultural inspection tomorrow morning. hah!

here are some things i will not miss about living in puna: