15 Jun 2011, 9:30pm
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here i am

A week ago I applied for my dream job. The position was a “farm education apprenticeship” at a large CSA farm. 20% farming, 80% education, including working with kids from a local Montessori school. It paid real, actual money (a little). Many things about it were impractical. It was in Santa Cruz, not Berkeley. It started on July 1st, in theory, two months before I’m scheduled to leave here. I found the listing online while sitting next to A on the bunkhouse couch here at the farm and slid my computer over to his lap. “It’s too bad it would be totally impractical to apply for this,” I said. He read it and said, “You should apply. We could make it work.” So I wrote an amazing cover letter (it was easy), sent it off, and heard back the same day from the woman hiring that she wanted to interview me. The first bite I’ve had on any of the lines I’ve cast.

So I emailed her back about my schedule and danced around the room trying to shake out my nervous energy. When I didn’t hear from her I examined her email and the email I’d sent a dozen times, trying to figure out what I’d said wrong. On Monday I finally reached her by phone and found out that she had offered the position to someone else on Friday; turns out they were really looking for someone to start as soon as possible, and I guess they jumped at the chance to hire someone they liked. My anxiety crescendoed. I was really disappointed. It was a Bad Scene in my head.

But there were some positive consequences of getting excited about, getting anxious about, and not getting this job. I found out that my dream job exists and that there is enough real, actual money in it that people who do this stuff are hiring apprentices. Not only that, but I had a “very strong application.”

I learned for sure that my partner supports my happiness and fulfillment above and beyond his own convenience and desire to have me near him.

I reengaged in life at the farm here, which I’d been halfway checked out of for a week. Dude, this place is amazing. Our garden is full of abundance. Today I found a head of lettuce that is, I swear, eighteen inches across. There are good people here for drinkin’ beer and talkin’ with. There are good people here for baking rhubarb cake with. I have a lot of things to do here, still, and two and a half months before they make me leave.

Yesterday was Kalyn’s birthday. Christine cooked delicious Thai food for dinner and she and Flo made vegetable sushi and strawberry-ice-cream pie. After dinner we had a spontaneous dance party in the kitchen, including a ridiculous group rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Then I went to bed with my tent’s rain fly pulled back so the bright, big, bold moon shined right in.

Also: baby quails following their mum and dad down the paths between rows in the garden; the young fox I held eye contact with for several minutes the other day before it turned and slid through the mesh in our deer fence; fat bumblebees diving in and out of comfrey flowers; hawks screaming. So happy to be a part of the more-than-human culture here, too.

This afternoon we went on a field trip to Green Gulch, a farm and Zen center further down Hwy 1, to hang out with their interns and the interns from Slide Ranch, which is also on the 1 between here and Green Gulch. We attended a beekeeping workshop with Green Gulch’s beekeeper, got some zazen instruction, meditated in their gorgeous flower garden, and then ate dinner all together. I chatted with some of the Slide Ranch folks. Guess what Slide Ranch does, my friends. Environmental and farm education for kids. Yup.

Guess where I needed to be to get to where I am. Here, here, here.

Guess where I’m going next. I don’t know, but wherever I am, there I’ll be.

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