slow glowing

lander, wyoming (and Fear)

dubois to lander–

(crowheart butte)

(mean ol’ thundercloud)

we met two solo cyclists this day. the first had taken his sweet time–he left from virginia in early may and was having the time of his life. the second had managed to get here in 40-some days but was not having so much fun and was actually trying to figure out a shortcut to the coast (skipping montana). “i’m not really much of a cyclist,” he said. i guess he was lonely.

there were also hundreds of grasshoppers on the road. when we cycled down the shoulder it was like parting the red sea as they jumped to escape our wheels. some of them seemed pretty determined to jump into our spokes, though, and i’d say that at least 70% of the ones we saw were dead.

and, of course, the storms… you guys, thunderstorms are really scary! especially when there’s nothing but distant hills and you’re the tallest thing around, rolling along on a piece of metal. according to the folks we met in grand teton, someone on the transam trail was killed by a lightening strike earlier this summer. um, not sure how to corroborate that, but it sure gives me the shivers. seems like there’s been a thunderstorm daily since we’ve been in wyoming, though at least they’ve often been in the evening when we’re in or near shelter. i fear(!) that my fears will be downright paralyzing when i’m on my own. aren’t there, like, tornadoes in kansas? this is my biggest struggle right now. ALL the fears. what is rational and what is not?

i get my horoscope from rob brezsny in my email every week; regardless of what you may think about astrology, he’s an entertaining writer and he always gives good advice. yesterday i got this from him:

CANCER (June 21-July 22): August is Banish Your Superstitions Month,
Cancerian. To celebrate this auspicious festival, purge yourself of every
irrational belief and unfounded fear you can stand to live without. But also
keep in mind that you may have to keep a crazy delusion or two, at least
for a while. You’ve become so used to your chronic anxiety that it might
be risky to get rid of it all at once. So proceed deliberately, casting off
one false belief today and another quaint fallacy tomorrow and a third
rotten figment of your imagination next week. By September 1, you may
be surprised to see how high you’ve ratcheted up your level of
fearlessness.

yes, this is an obvious and immediately applicable thing for me to work on. but really guys, these thunderstorms are nuts. i don’t wanna be electrified. except in a metaphorical sense. and bears, oh wow. and so on and so forth…

when i get done with this trip, i want to take a wilderness first responder (wilderness medicine) course. i had a dream a week or so ago about it–well, i dreamt i was acting as a medic with only my expired lifeguard certification to help me–and that plus the fact that i was actually sort of wanting to take one this spring but decided against spending the money it costs suggests to me that i should. plus i feel like it might help me get a handle on my fears, and since i have all kinds of travel ideas and dreams and wilderness-y ventures swimming around in my head at the moment… well i don’t want to be afraid, and i think it would help to learn some worst-case scenario coping mechanisms, so instead of thinking “i’m going to die,” i can think, “i’m going to elevate this limb and apply pressure…” or whatever. right?

in the meantime, though, i sleep with my bear spray and my cell phone.

friends and readers, how do YOU deal with fears of the rational and irrational varieties that threaten to keep you from doing something you really want to do?

anyway. we’ve been in lander since sunday evening, staying with a couchsurfing host, juan, at his “junkyard museum and home for retired bums.” we spent monday hanging around lander at the city park and at a coffeeshop that serves stumptown coffee and plays indie rock music… a little bit of home in the middle of wyoming!

lander is also the home of nols (national outdoor leadership school). we visited their headquarters and picked up a copy of their trip catalog and now my daydreams are full of patagonian backpacking expeditions and rocky mountain horsepacking(!) and so on… (see what i mean? i just wanna get past my fears and into the life of my dreams.)

turns out there’s no tourist-y horseback riding or river rafting to be found (it’s not enough of a tourist town. maybe we can find something in colorado), but everyone kept telling us we should go visit sinks canyon, eight miles outside of town, so yesterday we did.

on the way out of town–

the canyon–

sinks canyon is so called because the popo agie river at one point in it disappears into underground fissures (the “sinks”) and reappears a quarter-mile downstream several hours later (the “rise”). the pool of water at the rise is full of very happy trout–fishing is not allowed, and tourists like to throw food to them off the observation deck (there’s even a little fish food vending machine).

the sinks–

(uh, dang. check out my calves)

heading back into town–