6 May 2009, 7:49pm

ebb and flow

well the weather is nuts (welcome to portland) but sometimes in the evening the sun finally shines through the clouds Just So and everything is golden and beautiful. on monday we emerged from a soggy and unenthusiastic theatre group meeting in oaks bottom to a rainbow through the pouring rain. we biked to kittens and roast beets and a dryer for our clothes.

on saturday afternoon during renn fayre it poured, and we danced in it and leaped into the huge puddle that formed in the quad and got very cold and wet with huge grins on our faces.

here are some holga photos i took a week and a half ago when it was sunny (the oddly-colored ones are from slide film that was cross-processed; what fun!):

i am thinking about the future. the near future: i am supposed to be packed up in a week, when my mom is renting a u-haul to take her stuff and mine to their new house. hers will be unpacked; mine will mostly be stacked in the basement or somewhere until the fall. my books are packed but nothing else is. i packed my very favorite books first (vonnegut, angela carter, ursula le guin, lorrie moore, charles baxter, tom robbins, amy hempel…) and then all those other books i love and want to reread and then all those books i want my imaginary kids and/or my friends’ imaginary kids to stumble across someday and then all those books i haven’t read yet but will someday… and in the end i have seven small boxes of books to keep and one large (really!!) box to go to powell’s. but all that talk about getting rid of books was before a. and i decided to move in together and i just keep thinking about his books and mine on shelves together and it is a beautiful image and so i am keeping them.

i am thinking a lot about the (more) distant future, too. i have never really (really) imagined a Future With A Partner before and so everything seems to come back to that. i didn’t intend to write about that but that is what i’m writing about, directly or indirectly, when i write about my life. he might go to grad school; i might be a teacher; we might go teach english together someplace sunny and tropical for awhile While We’re Still Young (whatever that means); he might record an album; i might start a theatre company or a theatre venue or a coffeeshop or a school; we might have a family… i say, let’s see where you get into grad school; he says, let’s see how you feel about your theatre career after cornerstone. we are so supportive of each other and it is pretty wonderful. maybe it won’t be like this forever… but maybe it will be. probably if i think it won’t be, it won’t, so fuck that kind of thinking.

we will be in portland for at least another year. an apartment by ourselves or a house with friends starting in the fall. when we bike around we look for nice apartment buildings, ones with gardens and balconies and no paved parking lot in front. on monday nights all my friends hang out in the basement of a bar on belmont. we are on a first-name basis with the bartender. every week more friends and friends-of-friends show up and this monday i looked around and i felt sort of overwhelmed by the community i have here in portland. i am getting used to its ebbs and flows. people leave, people come back, people introduce other people. everyone has beautiful stories and talents and i am so, so appreciative. i would sort of like to stay here forever, really put down roots and build this community, like i keep talking about, but this is the first home i have chosen and maybe it doesn’t have to be the last…

in the fall i want to find a Real Job, especially if i still feel sort of unenthusiastic about pursuing a real Career Thing in stage management. i like the idea of having a routine and a little bit of disposable income. i would like to take evening classes in yoga and bike repair and acrobatics. maybe i would like to work with this fledgling egalitarian collaborative theatre group of ours and do theatre that i love and feel passionate about. or maybe i would like to seek out theatre opportunities that matter to me and work with groups doing projects that feel important to me, artistically and socially. this would be easier to do if i had another source of income (that stuff doesn’t pay… yet)… and i sort of think that making theatre work around the other stuff, instead of making the other stuff work around theatre (to the detriment of continuity–and yeah income–in my life), might actually help me feel better about and figure out exactly the role of theatre in my life.

tons of love and calm and change and care and art and music in my life.

this picture of me is sort of ridiculous:

One of my classes of first graders is reading a story called “Ebb and Flo and the Baby Seal” about a girl named Flo and her dog Ebb.

Anyway, I mostly just wanted to say that I’ve been enjoying your pictures, even if they do make me incredibly homesick.

25 May 2009, 11:15am
by misworded

I am in love with these pictures. I wish I could figure out how to take non-crappy photos with my Holga…and afford film and developing… :\



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